Let me be clear on the deficit:
The long-term plan goes ahead:
I’m not very clear
How we get there from here
Because in the long term everyone’s dead.
Let me be clear: we’re all in this together
I’m clear on our common goal
We’ll sharpen our axes
Cut millionaires’ taxes
And chop workless families’ dole.
Let me be clear on health:
The NHS we really adore,
But to boost wealth creation
We’ll push privatisation
And sell A and E’s to Group 4.
Let me be clear on Trident
We’ll spend billions to keep it in use
It’ll deter Mr Putin
From putting the boot in
And cook the SNP’s goose.
Let me be clear on Europe
We’ll be voting to stay in or get out
We‘ll charm Mrs Merkel
And square all the circles
So she won’t make us eat sauerkraut.
Let me be clear on climate change
My party’s the greenest ever
But we’ll cut the green crap
Give business freedom to frack
Who cares if we bugger the weather?
Let me be clear on migration
We can’t let people drown in the sea
We’ll send a few lifeboats
But refuse to take quotas
And leave Italy and Greece up the creek.